Online Dating For Self Esteem

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How To Use Dating Apps So They Don’t Mess With Your Self-Esteem

Is it better to swipe or not to swipe? Despite the fact that dating apps have become a commonplace element of modern dating, there’s no disputing that they may be exhausting. In the worst-case scenario, they may even damage your self-esteem.
Clarissa Silva, a behavioral scientist and creator of the relationship blog You’re Just A Dumbass, tells Bustle that “online dating becomes interpreted as rivalry with the person above, below, left, or right of you.” “You’re looking for someone who has a certain set of attributes that go well with you. Everyone else is as well. At the end of the day, you and they both expect to get what they want. It boosts our self-esteem when we receive many messages from multiple users. When the messages come from people you don’t ordinarily wish to interact with, though, it has a detrimental influence on your self-esteem.”

And research has backed that up. CNN recently pointed to a 2016 study published in the peer-reviewed journal Body Image that looked at about 1,300 college students and found that those who used a dating app had lower self-esteem than those who didn’t.

It’s simple to see how a dating app could have a negative impact on your self-esteem. There appear to be an infinite number of possibilities available, so if you don’t find what you’re looking for, you may begin to assume that the problem stems from you. Furthermore, as Silva points out, there are an infinite number of other users on the app with whom you feel in competition. However, according to eHarmony, dating apps are still one of the easiest and most prevalent methods to meet people, with roughly 40% of individuals utilizing online dating or apps. Is it possible to have it both ways? How do you utilize a dating app without jeopardizing your self-esteem? According to experts, there are a few things to bear in mind.

Focus On Who You’re Talking To

The first step in preserving your self-esteem is to surround yourself with the appropriate people. Relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW tells Bustle, “When using dating apps, be very careful about who you communicate with.” “You don’t want to become involved with folks who are just looking for a good time if you’re searching for a relationship. Many people make the error of believing, “Who knows!” ‘Perhaps it will become something!’ But, whether in person or online, you should believe what individuals say about themselves.”

Sometimes we project our version of who we want someone to be onto them, even if that means ignoring obvious clues. “The person ‘looking for something casual’ means it!”, Hartstein says. “If you really want to meet someone then pass over the ones who are just looking for fun. It can save you lots of pain and heartache. Also, if you see any red flags in their profiles, pay attention! Basically, take seriously who you start texting with or dating from the beginning so you can avoid some nasty surprises later on.” Just be realistic and listen to your gut right from the start.

Take Breaks When You Need Them

Dating exhaustion is a real phenomenon, and dating apps are a big part of it. “Dating burnout is similar to work burnout.” “What was once exciting and entertaining has turned into exhausting, frustrating, and overpowering,” says Esther Boykin, a professional love and relationship therapist. “People will experience moments of annoyance or tiredness throughout normal dating, but when such sentiments become the primary response to simply the prospect of a date, burnout has obviously set in.”
Take a break if you’re not enjoying dating, you’re depressed, or you’re simply harried and overloaded. “I always recommend a break to my clients,” Ravid Yosef, a dating and relationship consultant, tells Bustle. “Sometimes it’s our energy that attracts others, and if we don’t practice enough self-care or become overly attached to our notifications, we begin to look for validation outside of ourselves. As a result, the wrong kind of attention is drawn to you.” Reset your attention and get back to what you really want.

Remember Your Worth

Finally, online dating and social media can make us grateful for tiny crumbs of attention and we start to lower our expectations. “[When] liking a photo on Instagram or Facebook is [a] signal that the game is back on… it’s probably the saddest and minimal amount of effort to demonstrate an interest in someone,” Silva says. So remember your worth. If someone texts you after three months with a “Sry I’ve just been really busy,” then they’re not worth your time. Remember what you actually want and deserve — and don’t settle for less.

It’s true that online dating can be detrimental to your self-esteem, but it doesn’t have to be. Remember what you’re worth by dating more deliberately, taking breaks when you need them, and remembering what you’re worth. Your self-esteem can be preserved if you remain empowered.

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